How to Release Anger
Anger is a natural human emotion, and it’s not always negative. It can help you know when you’ve been hurt or when a situation needs to change. It's important to learn how to process and react to your anger. [1] Frequent feelings of anger have been linked to higher risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, depression and difficulty sleeping. This is especially possible if you experience highly explosive anger or your anger is extremely repressed. [2] Fortunately, you can learn to understand, process, and release your anger in healthy ways.
Steps Edit
Method One of Three:
Releasing Your Anger Productively Edit
Get some exercise. When you’re feeling angry, doing some moderate exercise could help you. A study by the University of Georgia suggests that moderate exercise (such as running or riding a bike) during or immediately after an upsetting experience can help you manage the experience of anger. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which are natural "feel-good" chemicals that make you feel more positive and happy. [3] If you're unable to run or ride a bike, consider walking, stretching, and other easier forms of exercise. [4]
- Exercise may also have a preventive effect. A Yale study suggested that prolonged bouts of running before an upsetting experience may dampen the extremity of your emotional reaction. [5]
- Even if you can't take time for a full exercise routine when you're angry, try take a few moments. Leave the situation that's making you angry if you can, and shake out your limbs vigorously. Even small physical distractions can help you feel better. [6]
- Find a quiet place to relax. Make yourself comfortable. Lie down if you like, and loosen any tight or uncomfortable clothing.
- Place your hand on your abdomen.
- Inhale slowly through your nose. Focus on filling your belly with air as you breathe in. Let your abdomen relax as you inhale; you should be able to feel your stomach expand. Hold this breath for a few seconds.
- Breathe out slowly through your mouth. Contract your abdominal muscles to push all the air out of your lungs.
- Repeat this process at least ten times.
- If you're still having trouble with deep breathing, buy a bottle of children's bubbles from the toy store. Hold the bubble wand in front of your face and breathe slowly through the wand. Focus on exhaling from your lower abdomen, squeezing your breath up and out. Steady, even breathing will produce a flow of bubbles. If your bubbles break or don't appear, alter your breathing until they do. [9]
- Go to a quiet, comfortable place if possible, and find a seat.
- Focus on a particular muscle group, such as the muscles in one hand. While inhaling deeply and slowly, squeeze the muscles in that group as hard as you possibly can and maintain that tension for 5 seconds. For example, tensing your hand muscles would involve forming a tight fist. Focus on that group of muscles and try not to accidentally tense surrounding muscles.
- Exhale and quickly release the tension in the muscle group you just tensed. Focus on the experience of the tension leaving those muscles. Allow yourself to relax for about 15 seconds, then move on to another muscle group.
- Other muscle groups to try tensing and relaxing are the foot, lower leg, thigh, buttocks, stomach, chest, neck and shoulders, mouth, eyes, and forehead.
- You can also start at your feet and work your way up your body, tensing each group of muscles. As you release each muscle group, imagine the anger leaving your body as you feel the relaxation take over.
- For example, find a private place to shake your body and imagine that you are literally shaking off your anger just like a dog shakes off water after a bath.
- Another example could be writing down angry thoughts on a piece of paper and then slowly tearing the paper apart, imagining that you are also destroying your feelings of anger.
- If you're artistic, try sketching or painting something that expresses how you feel. Focus on moving your feelings out of yourself and into the artwork.
- It's much better to use a stress-relief toy than it is to release anger by punching, kicking, or throwing things. Explosive actions like these can cause harm or damage, and they often increase your anger rather than help it. [14]
- For example, the American Psychological Association recommends that, if you find yourself calling someone a derogatory name, you imagine it literally. So, if you’re so angry at your boss that you call him a “douchebag,” imagine what it would look like if your boss literally were a douchebag, complete with suit and briefcase. This type of humor may help you feel less tense.
- Looking at silly or cute videos online can also help you lighten your mood. Humans are biologically programmed to find things such as large-eyed puppies and tiny fat babies adorable, and we have a chemical reaction of happiness to seeing these things. [16]
- Avoid sarcastic or cruel humor, as this type of humor is likely to just make your anger worse and can also hurt others.
- Find quiet, tranquilizing music to help soothe your anger. Part of what makes you feel so "revved up" when you're angry is that your body has entered a "fight or flight" state of excitement. [18] The British Academy of Sound Therapy has created a playlist of songs deemed "relaxing" by scientific study, including songs by Marconi Union ("Weightless"), Airstream ("Electra") and Enya ("Watermark"). [19]
- “This situation is only temporary.”
- “I can make it through this.”
- “I might not like it, but it’s not going to kill me.”
- “I will keep my cool about this.”
- “This isn’t worth getting upset about.”
- For example, you might plan to take a “time out” if you feel yourself beginning to grow angry, in which you calmly tell the other person that you’re feeling upset and need to take a break.
- If you are in a conversation that’s making you angry -- such as a conversation about a heated issue like politics or religion -- make an effort to shift the conversation to a more neutral and pleasant topic.
- Avoid totalizing words like “never” or “always.” One tendency of anger is that it blots out our memory of other experiences, which can increase frustration. These words also hurt others and make people feel defensive instead of cooperative. Instead of saying things such as “I’m always such an idiot” or “You never remember what’s important,” focus on what is actually occurring. You may find it helpful to make a plain statement of fact to yourself, such as “I forgot my cellphone at the house” or “You forgot our dinner plans,” to help you keep things in perspective.
- Remain logical. Of course it’s easier said than done, but reminding yourself that the negative experience encouraging you to feel angry isn’t the only experience you will likely have that day. Remembering that the irritation, no matter how big it may seem, is only temporary will help you overcome your feelings of anger more quickly.
- For example, if someone cut in front of you while you were waiting in line at the store, you might assume they don’t care about your needs and were being rude, and that assumption could lead you to feeling angry. While that assumption might be true, it’s not productive. Approaching that experience flexibly, such as imagining that the other person just didn’t see you or may be preoccupied with some stressful issue of their own, will help you let go of the personal feeling of anger.
- Use “I”-focused statements such as “I’m feeling confused about what you said” or “I would like you to be on time when we go to see a movie together.”
- Avoid name-calling, threats, and attacks on the other person.
- Use cooperative statements and invite others’ opinions.
- Be as direct and clear as possible about your desires and needs. For example, if you’ve been invited to a party that you don’t want to attend, don’t just say something like “Oh, well,I guess I’ll go if I have to.” Instead, state clearly but politely that you don’t want to go: “I would prefer not to attend that party.”
- Mindfulness meditation focuses on being completely present in the moment and being aware of and accepting your body’s experiences. This type of meditation is similar to the meditation you might do in a yoga class.
- Compassionate meditation, also sometimes called loving-kindness meditation, is based on a set of lo-jong, or Tibetan Buddhist practices, focused on developing your feelings of compassion and love for others. [24] This type of meditation may require you to seek some instruction before you can effectively practice it on your own.
- Sleep experts recommend that the average adult get an average of at least seven to eight hours of sleep per night, although you may require more or slightly less sleep to feel fully satisfied depending on your own body’s needs.
- It is very important to wait until you’ve processed your anger to talk with the other person. If you approach them while you’re angry, you will likely only make the situation worse, and you could end up causing hurt as well. Always use non-violent communication when interacting with others.
See a therapist. A therapist can help you work through the underlying feelings and motivations behind your anger. This is especially helpful if your feelings and their causes aren’t particularly clear to you. Cognitive therapy, in which therapists help you learn how to think about experiences differently, can be particularly helpful for anger management. [26]
Method Three of Three:
Understanding Your Anger Edit
Recognize problematic anger. Most people experience mild anger a few times every week. In some cases, it’s perfectly normal to feel angry, such as if you feel someone has insulted or hurt you. However, you should learn to recognize signs that your anger has verged into the “problem” category. [27]
- Do you frequently yell, scream, or curse when you’re angry? Do you verbally lash out at others?
- Does your anger frequently lead to physical aggression? How severe is the expression of this aggression? Less than 10 percent of normal anger episodes involve physical aggression, so if you’re experiencing it often, that could be a sign that something more serious is at issue.
- Do you feel the need to self-medicate when you’re angry, such as by using drugs, alcohol, or food?
- Do you feel that your anger negatively affects your personal relationships, your job, or your general health? Have others expressed these concerns to you?
- Anxiety, depression, and insomnia can also be linked to feelings of anger.
Examine the anger patterns in your family history. The ways in which your parents and other family members expressed their anger have a significant effect on your own patterns of dealing with it. How did members of your family process and express their anger when you were growing up? Did your parents openly express anger, or was it repressed? [29]
Keep an anger journal. One way to become more in touch with your feelings and why you’re experiencing anger is to write down your emotions in detail. Reflect on not only what happened during an event or experience, but how you reacted and what your train of thought was. Try not to judge these feelings as you write. Just express them so that you can become aware of what you’re feeling. Awareness is a crucial first step to processing and overcoming anger. Ask yourself the following questions for each entry:- What incited your feelings of anger or stress? Were you already feeling stressed before this incident?
- What thoughts did you experience during this experience?
- On a scale of 0-100, how angry do you think you felt?
- Did you lash out at others or internalize your anger?
- Did you notice any physical symptoms, such as an elevated heart rate or headache?
- What responses did you want to have? Did you want to scream, attack someone, or smash things? What responses did you actually have?
- How did you feel after the incident or experience?
- A very common trigger thought is that someone has done or not done something you expect them to. For example, if you arranged to meet a friend for dinner and they didn’t show up, you might feel angry that they didn’t do what you’d expected them to.
- Another common trigger thought is feeling like something is causing you harm, even in a very general way. For example, being cut off in traffic, having computer issues, and constantly dropping calls on your cellphone happen frequently, but these incidents can carry real, negative consequences that create a worry of experiencing harm. That worry can trigger anger.
- Feeling as though you haven’t achieved a personal goal or need can also trigger anger, in this case anger directed at yourself.
- Feeling as though you’re being taken advantage of or that people don’t help or care about you are also common triggers, especially at work and in romantic relationships.
Using the anger release strategies is a good start for when you’re in the heat of the moment, but make sure that you also do the emotional work of examining and processing your anger. This will help you feel less angry to start with.
When you can, avoid situations that you know are strong triggers for your anger. For example, if you have very firm political or religious beliefs, try not to engage in conversations that may leave you feeling attacked and angry.
It’s often a good idea to see a therapist even if you aren’t so angry that you’re punching holes in your walls. Many people think that your problems have to be world-shattering before you need to seek mental health help, but seeing a therapist can also be good preventive care!
Check with your local university or community health center about anger management programs. Used in conjunction with the techniques here, these programs may help you feel less angry and react with less volatility.
Different people have different ways of releasing anger. Try many different methods until you find the one for you. Try using a punching bag, singing, or going for a massage, even using a sauna/steam room.
Running or doing push ups right after the situation helps, and benefits you mentally just as well as physically.
Talk to someone other than the person(s) involved about the situation.
Take up a sport or activity you really enjoy to take your mind off things. If you suffer from strong anger issues, it can be very beneficial to take up something physical where you can blow off steam safely.
If you become angry instantly, sit down if you are standing. Drinking water immediately also controls anger.